I am not the sum total of my experience, I am the sum total of my existence. I came from God, I lived with God, I love God, and my destiny to to be with God again. I chose that destiny and embrace that existence.
If I were the sum total of my experience I would be abused, loved, broken, sewn together, pain, sorrow, suffering, happiness, peace, joy, love, hate, laborX5, moving 14+ times, military separation, etc. I would carry with me all the results of those experinces for the better or worse. Thankfully I am not the sum total of my experiences, I am the sum total of my existence and through God's love I get to keep the great lessons and growth from every experience and leave behind the pain, suffering, heartache, failure, depression, grief, loneliness, rejection, guilt, shame, hatred, resentment, greed, etc. In the end I am a Child of God, no more, and no less, and that is enough.
I exist as His child, it's a state of my being that will never change. If I were only the sum total of my experience who I am and who I become is in the hands of every other person on the planet. At the hands of a molester I would become molestation, at the hands of a thief I would become theft. But I am more than that, I am me, because I am me those events are passing pain, passing experiences, not a recipe that makes up me.
The big lie that tries to work its way permanently into our hearts and minds when we experience painful things is that it's who we are or what we deserve. It's painful because the truth of who we are CRIES out AGAINST it because it doesn't match, it's the proverbial square peg trying to fit a heart shaped hole. Conversely, we feel great joy in experiences that validate and align with the truth in ourselves because it causes our soul to SING with JOY "YES, THIS is true, THIS aligns with who I AM.
I am the sum total of Who I AM, as I chose God's love I am the sum total of His Love. As I accept it and let it fill me, it reveals more fully who I AM. I am light, I am love, I am creativity, I am joy, I am virtue, I am goodness. My quest in this life is to shed the false ideas of some of my experiences, and return to God as I AM, knowing it more fully through the experience of who I am not.
Liz King Bradley