Every time someone says "You are so special." I get a twinge in the back of my neck and shoulders. I shudder, and I feel fear. I have often wondered why. I have also wondered why, when I was molested by a neighbor as a young girl I went back. Why? I finally forgave myself for it without knowing thy I did that.
Tonight as I watched a talk by a woman who was also molested as a child and she mentioned him telling her she was special while he did it. I remembered why I went back....and why the word special feels yucky, and unsafe to me. I wanted to hear I was special, and I was desperate enough to go back to hear it..even though it was all mixed up with filthy and yucky.
The word special means beloved, set apart in a positive way. Until I asked God to clean off that word in my being it meant "filthy"; that's what it felt like when he said it. I cried. I sent a message requesting prayers from my sisters. I breathed and I decided to use the tools I have instead of sinking into old stuff.
A great deal of my own personal healing has been like this: I look at something normal or positive that has painful emotions attached to it and find a way to get the negative emotions detached from it. Here's a REALLY great tool:
To begin: Ask God to place you in a position to allow, accept, and receive His healing.
Ask God to remove the unnecessary GARBAGE attached to it and restore it to it's divine blueprint or perfect meaning.
Ask God to untangle the crossed wires in your body, heart, mind, soul, and entire being and reconnect them according to His light love and wisdom.
Ask God to filter the memories and stories of your life with the atonement of Jesus Christ.
If you feel for some reason hesitant or resistant, ask Him to remove the resistance and hesitance, then ask for His help again.
If you still feel resistance, pray to be willing to allow Him to remove it, then ask for His help again.
Ask Him to remove this hinderance from every layer, area, aspect, and level of your being.
Breath deeply, cry if you need to-but not in resistance, cry tears of release, of gratitude. If you are crying in resistance, go back and pray again to be made willing to release. Remind yourself of the truths you know.
Here are some truths I remembered:
I have been healed of this incident.
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.
I have felt the love, joy and peace in place of the yucky, filth.
I KNOW that because of Christ the man who did this is forgiven. I cannot hold a grudge against him without denying the validity of the atonement of my Saviour.
I know that forgiving him is the only way for me to move on.
I know that special means beloved and I am beloved of God.
I chose to allow that word and my being and my life to be GOOD, PURE, and TRUE. I chose not to allow a mistake made more than 27 years ago ruin even one hour of my life today.
Remember you can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you. Period. That means you can not only heal, you can do it right now. "Healing right now" is a thing. so you can do it through Christ. Sometimes God wants us to reach out to others for help. If this is something you need. Call me for a free session, for right now I am coaching on a volunteer basis.
Christ did not die so that someday after a long life of self-loathing and suffering you/I could finally have joy. He died so that in this life, notwithstanding the pain, you can have joy. Will you chose the joy or keep the pain?
Liz King Bradley