Every mom experiences anger in parenting. Some of us have experienced rage. What is the foundation of Rage? what is it's secret fuel? Maybe you've never experienced rage, but you have experienced frustration. If not, please tell me the secret! :)
Behind all forms of anger is fear. Fear: I'm not enough, Fear: I'm a failure, Fear: I can't do this, Fear: They won't like me(love me, appreciate me, etc.), Fear: I'm just like (the person) who hurt me so deeply.
The key to anger management is fear banishment. That means that when the fear comes up, it gets addressed and released, or banished. Fears con only be banished temporarily when they are banished and not faced. Fear asks questions that we need answers for. It's a gift when used properly it is a tool for growth. When fear is faced it becomes a stepping stone instead of a damn. In a previous post I provided simple steps to take care of rage in the moment and prevent the same thing form happening again. Anger doesn't need to be swaddled up and savored in a blanket of guilt and shame, it just needs to be addressed and released.
There is a place in all of us that knows our worth, knows our power to succeed, knows we are infinitely lovable , worthy and valuable. The reason low self-esteem hurts is because its out of harmony with the divine blueprint or inner self. It's trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. Fear works FOR us when we face it, it works against us when we follow it. As I have learned to trust more in God, as I turn to him IN THE MOMENT of my anger, BREATH and make space for His voice in my heart I hear His questions. Here's the one that came in my rage one day. "What are you afraid of?" Here's my question for you, the reader who is angry everyday and just wants to be a kind and loving parent.
What are you afraid of? In other words, what negative thing do you believe so strongly that its working against your deepest desires? Faith is the driving power of this universe to ignite the power of God in our lives, FEAR does the opposite. When we are in fear we are blind to God's love and power in our lives. When we are blind to God's love and power in our lives, we are in fear. The most pivotal, the quintessential (look it up it's a really cool word!) element in recognizing God's power in our lives is when we recognize the God in us. My children are my children because their cells were built from mine and my husband's cells. I am a daughter of God, that means I was made from Him. His infinite goodness is in me, and it is my mission in life to bring it out, to nurture that spark until it consumes all of me and my Godness, goodness is all that I am. All my "faults" are truly my strengths unrefined.
That part of me that creates rage is the passion that creates courage and impervious love in me as well. All it lacks is the refinement and glorification of God. All that keeps that glorification at bay is my blindness to it or my unwillingness to accept it, usually based on a FALSE belief that I don't deserve it. Just over 2000 years ago a price was paid, an infinite price the removed forever the impediment of "undeserving", I chose to accept that and let it be enough. What greater price can be paid than INFINITE? Who am I to say that the suffering of my Saviour is not enough for me? I chose to accept it because I have reverence and profound gratitude that He came for me. I am enough because He is enough, I am enough because His suffering was not in vain, it COUNTS. Everything works out for my good and the good of my children because He is enough and my best is enough. As I trust in Him, even my nothing becomes perfect in His infinite perfection.
When it comes to overcoming rage, it boils down to this: Is your faith in God stronger than your faith in failure, unworthiness, suffering, unloveability? If your faith in the undesirable (your fear) is stronger then your faith in God, there is still hope because God will take you where you're at and help you grow. Just ask. I have prayed to be willing, to be willing, to be willing. I have prayed to have faith, to have faith, to have faith. All God really requires of us is to receive His help is that we ask, the rest He helps us with, whether we reap the rewards is based on our obedience--and even that He helps us with.
Are you willing to accept your greatness and with it the divine support that is extended to you and surrounding you only awaiting your acceptance to flow THROUGH you? Are you willing to accept that you are God's? He cares for His own, and we are all His own. Where, then, is the place for fear? There is no place, but it sails away on the wind of faith and hope having given us the education we needed, having caused us to seek and know better the truth in us and in God. Then our weights become our wings, our anger becomes our love, and our rage becomes our gratitude for the chance to see the God in us, and in others.
What am I afraid of?
What TRUTH do I know that is the answer to my fear?
I invite you to face your fears and turn them into faith, face your rage and turn it into love. I invite you to the belief that because you are God's success is your destiny. I invite you to chose it, embrace it, nurture it and love in it.
Liz King Bradley